The idea of humans living with dinosaurs has always fascinated people. Films have been made about the concept, cartoons, TV shows, not to mention the dreams of 10 year old boys who would love to ride one to school. When it really comes down to it, though, is it really that crazy of an idea? In the end it really comes down to how you view these crazy, long-dead creatures.
Cartoon Awesomeness
Most kids (and many adults who were brought up between the 60s and 80s) feel that a dinosaur, despite the massive bones found hiding in museums, were actually relatively small creatures, pink in color, and loyal as a dog. In many cases, these same folks believe these loyal reptiles can also be house broken, taught to fetch, and can generally communicate through strange high pitch noises. Not quite sure where they got that idea...
Dinosaurs in the cartoon fantasy world are so revered and trusted that parents will willingly hand over their children to them without thought or concern of their child being eaten or sat upon. The trusted dinosaur, much like the modern Labrador Retriever, is loyal to a fault and would never do you any harm. Trust me! Just put a little vest on it that says "Emotional Support O' Saur", pull out your cane and have at it.
In the land of the cartoon dinosaur, the modern creature can be not only a pet and loyal confidant who can walk on two legs, but also a piece of heavy machinery. Got a 2000 pound piece of granite you need moved? Strap it to a dinosaur and away it goes! Need to fly somewhere? The pterodactyl is perfectly equipped to add a first and second class cabin. No seat belts though, those are optional.
It's the same as any Mickey Mouse cartoon: Goofy is a dog, he can speak English, walk on two feet and generally bumble around in a mildly coherent way. Pluto, on the other hand, also a dog, can't do shit. He's just a dog that walks around, semi-speaks in dog-ese, and moves around on all four legs rather than just two. Is there some sort of weird caste system in place for cartoon dinosaurs as there is in the Mickeyverse? Are only the best dinosaurs able to walk around on two legs, to not have to subject themselves to manual labor? We need answers, people!!
The Truth about Dinos (aka, Cartoons Lied)
Although the thought of cartoon subservient dinosaurs sounds fucking awesome, here is the sad truth: They will eat our ass the first chance they get. Okay, sure, the veggie dinos won't, but the big asshole meat eating dinosaurs would prefer to eat you more than even blink at you.
Let's get serious; if it's one thing Steven Spielberg taught us, it's that dinosaurs are huge, hungry, murderous dicks who won't hesitate to ruin theme parks and eat you even if you're sitting on the can. Anyone who went to see Jurassic Park thinking the dinosaurs were going to be moving boulders with a caveman riding on them were sorely mistaken. Gone are the thoughts of letting ol' Dino watch your kids while you went out to see a movie. Anyone ballsy enough to do this would come home to find their bundles of joy had become dinosaur burritos or a baseball to a dinosaur's bat of a tail.
My son loves dinosaurs. He plays with the plastic toys, makes them fly and pretend to eat things. But imagine your cute little five year old waking up to a giant t-rex roaring in front of him. You thought potty training was bad, wait until you have to clean up all of the body fluids a kid will let loose when seeing a mouthful of huge-ass teeth. It would definitely scare the shit out of me!
The problem with trying to coexist with dinosaurs is that they are, by their nature, violent. At least the big meat eating ones. Who knows, the veggie eating ones may be big jerks, too, but at least they won't stalk and eat you. Unless you're wearing a suit made out of lettuce, but in that case you have bigger problems and should seek help immediately.
Taming of the Shrew(osaurs)
Let's assume dinosaurs were still around and can be tamed, though. Somehow, through the millions of years of coexistence between our two species, the dinosaur was domesticated and we now keep them like common dogs. For starters, the movie Alpha would have been a whole lot more interesting! The first and most obvious question is, however, where the hell do you keep them? It's not like Johnny T-Rex is going to lay at the foot of your bed. You'd need to have some kind of barn or some large structure to store him. Food would also be a problem... You would have to imagine that feeding these things would be crazy expensive. There are only so many cows a family can own and use as food for a massive lizard. The incessant mooing would get annoying pretty damn quick as well. Only the rich would be able to afford these kinds of creatures, given the amount of land that's necessary.
Tame dinosaurs would probably like to go on a walk. Just guessing here, but they need lots of exercise and room to move. I'll dare anyone to strap a lead-leash on a Brontosaurus and walk him through the neighborhood. Can you imagine the dino droppings you would have to pick up and drag with you? I personally wouldn't want you walking your Triceratops in my lawn and leaving its triceracrap next to my mailbox.
Yes, you can argue that we can keep the smaller dinosaurs as pets, much like the Flinstones did for Dino. Nothing like having a Raptor chilling out on your couch while you're at work. At least you won't have a problem with mice. Or neighbors if they piss you off. The ultimate security system; forget ADT, I have a fucking dinosaur!
If you get a Dilophosaurus, you can use it to scare the shit out of your children when they're having a tantrum. Just imagine it...
You: Timmy! Settle down!
Timmy: NO!!! I'm an annoying screaming kid! WAAA!!!!
You: Dilophosaurus, SCARE!!!
Diliphosaurus:
Sure they'd have nightmares for quite a while, but they sure as hell would never throw another tantrum like that again, would they??
So you may ask, if we only keep the small ones as terrifying, house protecting, child scaring pets, what about the big ones? The answer is simple: Food. Can you imagine the number of steaks and sausages you can get out of a T-Rex? It would be a whole new culinary industry, focused completely on dinosaur meet. Gordon Ramsay is already salivating at the plethora of new shows he will create on the concept. This fall, an all new season of Hell's Kitchen, featuring new menu item Allosauras Wellington. Sure to be a hit. Can't wait to see the chefs break down a rare Pterodactyl carcass.
In Conclusion (aka, You're Almost Done)
In the grand scheme of things, we could definitely co-exist with dinosaurs, assuming we can actually domesticate the scary bastards. Then again, we were able to domesticate one dinosaur, and it really didn't turn out very well for us. Maybe we're all better off without these big, purple bastards...
Cartoon Awesomeness
Most kids (and many adults who were brought up between the 60s and 80s) feel that a dinosaur, despite the massive bones found hiding in museums, were actually relatively small creatures, pink in color, and loyal as a dog. In many cases, these same folks believe these loyal reptiles can also be house broken, taught to fetch, and can generally communicate through strange high pitch noises. Not quite sure where they got that idea...
In the land of the cartoon dinosaur, the modern creature can be not only a pet and loyal confidant who can walk on two legs, but also a piece of heavy machinery. Got a 2000 pound piece of granite you need moved? Strap it to a dinosaur and away it goes! Need to fly somewhere? The pterodactyl is perfectly equipped to add a first and second class cabin. No seat belts though, those are optional.
It's the same as any Mickey Mouse cartoon: Goofy is a dog, he can speak English, walk on two feet and generally bumble around in a mildly coherent way. Pluto, on the other hand, also a dog, can't do shit. He's just a dog that walks around, semi-speaks in dog-ese, and moves around on all four legs rather than just two. Is there some sort of weird caste system in place for cartoon dinosaurs as there is in the Mickeyverse? Are only the best dinosaurs able to walk around on two legs, to not have to subject themselves to manual labor? We need answers, people!!
The Truth about Dinos (aka, Cartoons Lied)
Although the thought of cartoon subservient dinosaurs sounds fucking awesome, here is the sad truth: They will eat our ass the first chance they get. Okay, sure, the veggie dinos won't, but the big asshole meat eating dinosaurs would prefer to eat you more than even blink at you.
Let's get serious; if it's one thing Steven Spielberg taught us, it's that dinosaurs are huge, hungry, murderous dicks who won't hesitate to ruin theme parks and eat you even if you're sitting on the can. Anyone who went to see Jurassic Park thinking the dinosaurs were going to be moving boulders with a caveman riding on them were sorely mistaken. Gone are the thoughts of letting ol' Dino watch your kids while you went out to see a movie. Anyone ballsy enough to do this would come home to find their bundles of joy had become dinosaur burritos or a baseball to a dinosaur's bat of a tail.
My son loves dinosaurs. He plays with the plastic toys, makes them fly and pretend to eat things. But imagine your cute little five year old waking up to a giant t-rex roaring in front of him. You thought potty training was bad, wait until you have to clean up all of the body fluids a kid will let loose when seeing a mouthful of huge-ass teeth. It would definitely scare the shit out of me!The problem with trying to coexist with dinosaurs is that they are, by their nature, violent. At least the big meat eating ones. Who knows, the veggie eating ones may be big jerks, too, but at least they won't stalk and eat you. Unless you're wearing a suit made out of lettuce, but in that case you have bigger problems and should seek help immediately.
Taming of the Shrew(osaurs)
Let's assume dinosaurs were still around and can be tamed, though. Somehow, through the millions of years of coexistence between our two species, the dinosaur was domesticated and we now keep them like common dogs. For starters, the movie Alpha would have been a whole lot more interesting! The first and most obvious question is, however, where the hell do you keep them? It's not like Johnny T-Rex is going to lay at the foot of your bed. You'd need to have some kind of barn or some large structure to store him. Food would also be a problem... You would have to imagine that feeding these things would be crazy expensive. There are only so many cows a family can own and use as food for a massive lizard. The incessant mooing would get annoying pretty damn quick as well. Only the rich would be able to afford these kinds of creatures, given the amount of land that's necessary.
Tame dinosaurs would probably like to go on a walk. Just guessing here, but they need lots of exercise and room to move. I'll dare anyone to strap a lead-leash on a Brontosaurus and walk him through the neighborhood. Can you imagine the dino droppings you would have to pick up and drag with you? I personally wouldn't want you walking your Triceratops in my lawn and leaving its triceracrap next to my mailbox.
Yes, you can argue that we can keep the smaller dinosaurs as pets, much like the Flinstones did for Dino. Nothing like having a Raptor chilling out on your couch while you're at work. At least you won't have a problem with mice. Or neighbors if they piss you off. The ultimate security system; forget ADT, I have a fucking dinosaur!
If you get a Dilophosaurus, you can use it to scare the shit out of your children when they're having a tantrum. Just imagine it...
You: Timmy! Settle down!
Timmy: NO!!! I'm an annoying screaming kid! WAAA!!!!
You: Dilophosaurus, SCARE!!!
Diliphosaurus:
Sure they'd have nightmares for quite a while, but they sure as hell would never throw another tantrum like that again, would they??
So you may ask, if we only keep the small ones as terrifying, house protecting, child scaring pets, what about the big ones? The answer is simple: Food. Can you imagine the number of steaks and sausages you can get out of a T-Rex? It would be a whole new culinary industry, focused completely on dinosaur meet. Gordon Ramsay is already salivating at the plethora of new shows he will create on the concept. This fall, an all new season of Hell's Kitchen, featuring new menu item Allosauras Wellington. Sure to be a hit. Can't wait to see the chefs break down a rare Pterodactyl carcass.
In Conclusion (aka, You're Almost Done)
In the grand scheme of things, we could definitely co-exist with dinosaurs, assuming we can actually domesticate the scary bastards. Then again, we were able to domesticate one dinosaur, and it really didn't turn out very well for us. Maybe we're all better off without these big, purple bastards...
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